Fresh Turd/Fresh Biscuit?

I both loved and hated this Major Lazer video for 'Zumbi' at the same time. On one hand, the song is so stupid and autotune is on a rampage. One the other hand, though, there's Andy Milonakis. Wait, thats the same hand. It has a zombie anyway so thats good.

Major Lazer: 'Zumbi'

Fresh Turd: Wilco (The Everything)

Sorry Wilco, I wanted to like your album so badly, but my ability to not fall asleep is not stronger than this tryptophan bullshit you keep putting out. In other words, if you own 'Sky Blue Sky,' 'Wilco (the Album)' is very inessential. Actually, this album is not essential for any reason. This album sucks for lack of better wording. It truly reeks of old man and Volkswagen commercials.

I really did want to like this album. Wilco had a run of great albums from 'Summerteeth' to 'A Ghost is Born,' which were all high in experimentation, ideas, and songs that do the opposite of make me want to snooze. The album starts so promising with the upbeat 'Wilco (the Song),' but 'Deeper Down' actually sounds like a lullaby. 'One Wing' and 'Bull Black Nova' are decent songs, but will not wake anyone in a light slumber. 'You and I' has Feist in it, but isn't great. The rest isn't worth mentioning. Sorry Wilco, but you're done.

'You and I (featuring Feist)'

Fresh Turd: Fiery Furnaces

When I saw the Fiery Furnaces had a new song out, I fired up a new post and already typed in Fresh Biscuit. Then I listened to the song. Oops. The song starts out like a 50's toothpaste jingle, then continues to go down hill. What? Their songs are usually so out there, so weird, refreshing, etc. Lets hope this is a fluke.

'The End is Near'

Fresh Turd: Kings of Leon

Wow, Kings of Leon, you made every possible correct decision. If you want to be hated by everybody except for Great Britain. How do you go from this, Southern alt-rockabilly:

To watered down power-pop?

You're so good you started the building on fire! Now please stop.

Fresh Turd: Asher Roth

OK, I'll admit I like the production in this song. But ASHER ROTH GODDAMNIT YOU LEAVE SAVED BY THE BELL ALONE!! Is nothing sacred to you? And by the way no one believes it when you say "if you're trying to have sex I'm the best at it." And you're not king of the blumpkins, everybody knows that is Gene Simmons.

Fresh Turd: Green Day

Green Day, do you know the enemy? Your enemy is Green Day. 1994 Green Day called and they said what the fuck.

Fresh Turd: Deerhoof

Deerhoof is a great band. Unfortunately they forgot to put a song to their latest video. Oops!

Fresh Turd: Vivian Girls

Come on Vivian Girls! This video would be OK if the song wasn't a complete turd. Its funny when they show the cake, then the chunky girl, and you can totally tell she is thinking about the cake. The song is part of the reverb-fuzz-pop movement, but without the redeeming quality of a catchy or even good sounding melody. Also, mopeds are a waste of petro, use a frickin' bicycle.

Fresh Turd: U2

You don't like me? Well I hate U2. I really, really hate U2.

Fresh Turd: The Streets

Man was the turn-around on this quick. The Streets, who often produce music I hate have Twittered a song about a subject which pisses me off. Woo hoo, Fresh Turd material! I think if we ignore this flu it will go away, I only hope the same is true for The Streets. Okay, the video is cool because I like zombies.

Fresh Turd: MC Face (Tom Green)

I have written so many nice blog entries lately, I was about to explode. So who gets it? Everybody's favorite D-bag, Tom Green. This was released during his hey-day, 1998, rapping about how much he hates himself and his friends. This is 8 minutes, so when he runs out of things to say he starts grunting and forcing out words. Listening the whole way is like ripping off a full-body band-aid while someone is scratching their nails on a blackboard while getting a cavity drilled and listening to James Blunt.

'MC Face Goin Solo'

In case you need you're good memories of Tom Green back.

Fresh Turd: Chris Cornell

Well look who decided to join the parade of (semi-)respectable 90's alt-rock kings who trash any remaining respect for them with god awful choices (looking at you Billy Corgan).  This is a little old, but Chris Cornell of Soundgarden did sumthin' real real bad.  He teamed up with hip-hop producer Timbaland for some bangin' club tracks, like this one, 'Part of Me'.  It starts poorly, but you HAVE to stick around for the most awkward chorus of all time.  Part of me says I might have liked this song if Britney Spears recorded it.

Chris Cornell: 'Part of Me'

Chris Cornell "Part Of Me" (produced by Timbaland
by ThomasCrownChronicles

Fresh Turd: Eminem

Oh Eminem, you make me sorry to have once liked you.  Something made him crawl out of his cave with all the ICP posters in it to produce a new album.  The first singles from all of his albums have been bad, but this is beyond unlistenable and into the realm of James Blunt.  

Heres the new lead single 'We Made You' from his upcoming album 'Relapse.'  

Eminem - New Music - More Music Videos

He also released some kind of a horror song/video which isn't as bad.

Fresh Turd: Asher Roth

Nope, not gonna write about Asher Roth.

Fresh Turd: Crocodiles - Summer of Hate

During a recent trip to New York before my run-in with the NYC cops (long story), I went to an Asobi Seksu show with two openers. The first opener consisted of two skinny 19 year old looking hipster types, one appearing to be Bob Dylan. The first song this band The Crocodiles played, 'Neon Jesus,' thoroughly rocked my ass and had me jumping like a small wind up kangaroo madman. I was stoked for what else was to come from these guys. Lets just say each song after that sounded the same as the first one or felt like a strobe light flashing way too bright in your face to the point where you want to gouge out either your eyes or your ear drums, I forget where this analogy was going.

To make a long story short, the first song, Neon Jesus isn't even on the Crocodiles album 'Summer of Hate'. Thats right, all you get are the rehashes and the strobe light. The first single 'I Wanna Kill' is good on the first listen, but is about two minutes too long. Other fast songs such as 'Refuse Angels' are three minutes of your life you will never get back. A few slower types, such as 'Here Comes the Sky,' are mildly redeeming though not worth the price of whatever musical format is in style.

Enjoy The Crocodiles 'Neon Jesus,' but don't buy the album.